Lesson 6: God works His will, even if we aren't cooperating

Things are getting better each day. I'm feeling stronger and have greater range of motion, and I am so grateful that I'm able to do "normal" things again. The girls, my sister and I spent the weekend in Lafayette at a soccer tournament. I can't say I loved the muddy fields and scorching temperatures, but it was so nice to have quality time with the family. I had intended to call David's grandmother (who lives in Lafayette) for a visit, but got tied up in transporting, feeding and organizing my crew on Saturday and didn't get a chance to call her. It was a constant task on my mind, but I kept getting side-tracked.

After the first game, I took everyone to the Acadiana Mall to get some AC and food in between games. As we were leaving, I noticed a shop that specialized in shaping your eyebrows. I was looking at the sign and when I looked down to the door, guess who we saw exiting? You guessed it, David's grandmother, Lillian, and her sister Jeanette. These two beautiful ladies played a big role in David's life and I pray I am as spry and full of life when I am their age! They are true role models for all of us. They were doing a bit of shopping (and brow shaping :) ) and it was incredible to run into them. I know without a doubt it was God putting us in the right place at the right time...knowing that I couldn't get organized enough to plan a proper visit. Ma Lil got to see the girls and give everyone a big hug. What a blessing. So, I think my lesson here is this: God works His will, even if we aren't cooperating. 

Last week, we met with my oncologist, Dr. Militello. We were scheduled to meet with him on Wednesday (the day traffic stood still in Baton Rouge) afternoon. I think we were his last appointment for the day, but everyone was late before us, so it took us a while to see him. By the time he got to us, it was after 5:00 PM. Having nowhere to go due to traffic, he spent a long time getting to know me and my history. I really like him a lot and feel very comfortable with him. He is going to do a pretty aggressive chemo plan for me (which works for us, as we've been aggressive through this whole process). I'll start chemo on Sept. 6 and have 6 treatments, each spaced three weeks apart. I'll be given three different chemo drugs at each session. So, now we are in prep mode getting ready mentally and physically for the next 18 weeks.

Today is a big day for appointments. I am meeting with Dr. Freel (the plastic surgeon), Dr. Militello's nurse-practitioner for "chemo class" and finally, I'll get an echo cardiogram (one of the chemo drugs can be hard on the heart and he wants to make sure I am OK.) I'll have surgery on Wednesday to install (not sure if that is the proper terminology) a medi-port in my chest for the chemo. That is, if the storm Isaac doesn't mess with things.

Every day, I receive a note or email or care package from my amazing friends and family. I cannot tell you how much this boosts my spirit and feeds my soul. I am so thankful for all the amazing people in my life. 

To all my Louisiana readers, stay safe this week. Love to you all. 

Angie

Update...

Hi everyone!
What a difference a day can make. I just re-read my last post and it took me back to where I was mentally and physically last week. I pretty much hit rock bottom last Wednesday (1 week post surgery). This was due to a variety of physical and emotional issues. There is no handbook for recovering from a major surgery like a mastectomy, and I had to learn the hard way that there are some important things to take care of to improve the process.

I'm sure many of you have heard of the children's books "Everybody Poops", "Everybody Farts", etc. They are great little lessons in bodily functions for kids. I was going to title this post: "Everybody Poops....Except Me," but thought that might be a little much. :) I'm sharing this with you all because it really is important, and can really make you sick if not taken care of. And, a little humor goes a long way! My last post was the beginning of a few days of hell that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. 

I woke up Wednesday morning (8/15) with a sore throat, cough, ulcers all over my mouth, and a colon that wouldn't work. It has been 8 days without "going." Nothing...nada...not even the urge to go. I was nauseous and couldn't eat. Not in a good place. I finally broke down and texted my wonderful family doctor, Tim Lindsey (how great is it that I have my Dr.'s cell number?), with all the details. He wanted to see me that morning. My mom drove me to the Dr. and I had a complete emotional breakdown in the room. Dr. Lindsey is so wonderful...he listened to my breakdown, helped me calm down, made sure my vitals were OK and I wasn't dying (I wasn't ....just felt like it), and sent me home with some prescriptions to help me get back on my feet. Z-Pac for the cough, Magnesium Citrate and Dulcolax for the colon. 

For those of you that have had a colonoscopy,  Magnesium Citrate is what they use to prepare you for surgery. Let's just say it has a definite "cleaning out" effect. After chilling the innocent looking, clear liquid for an hour, I choked down half a bottle as prescribed, trying not to hurl. I was so excited to think there would be an end to this ordeal!  An hour goes by, two, four...nothing.  My poor colon must be in a sad state if it wasn't budging with this stuff. Exhausted, I went to bed after taking a few Dulcolax in desperation. 

Finally, 19 hours post MC, I had success. I was literally a new woman. Rainbows appeared in the sky, choirs were singing...life was good. Every day since has gotten better and better. :) So, my lesson for this post is: take care of your colon! (not going to put that in the title, though)

I had my final drain removed on Monday (8/20) and post op appointment with Dr. Christian Tuesday (8/21). I have Stage IIB cancer, which is still considered early stage. We are meeting the oncologist, Dr. Millitello, today at 4:00 PM. I don't think we'll have a plan of action today, but we will probably get a lot of information and have to make some more decisions about the next step in treatment. 

So, that is where I am today. Apologies for the detailed info on my colon health. I never realized how bad that could make you feel...and wouldn't want anyone else to go through this. I'm feeling great and ready to take on the next phase of this. 

A friend and co-worker told me breast cancer is like a triathlon...and it is a very apt analogy. The first phase (swimming) was the diagnosis...short and intense. I'm now in the bike phase...tough but steady. Next will be the grueling part: the hard run to the finish. I have no doubt I'll be in the clear by this time next year. My support system is incredible, the prayers are felt and my faith is strong. 

Love to you all-
Angie

Lesson 5: Accept the kindess of others

Dear friends and family-
I has been quite a week. I'm still on pain meds, so this may not be as eloquent as past posts. Here's a brief recap of what has transpired since I last posted.

I went to the new Woman's Hospital on Wednesday morning with David and the girls. I had a big support team there while they were prepping me for surgery (David & the girls, my mom, dad, Artie, Michelle, Jeanne, Denise). Talk about feeling loved. I remember feeling sleepy and then the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and there was David, telling me I was OK and made it through the procedures. I was also met by the most excruciating nausea that I have ever experienced in my life. I could not open my eyes, eat or drink for the next 13 hours. It was the worst afternoon/evening of my life. The nausea finally broke around 3 in the morning and I was able to eat half of a grape popsicle. Best thing I've ever tasted!

Unfortunately, I was to learn that Dr. Christian had found cancer in two of the Sentinel lymph nodes, so she had to remove the rest of my lymph nodes under my arm. They will be sending all of the tissue to get a pathology report and then send it along to Dr. Milatello (the oncologists). Hoping to get those results early this week, and meet with Dr. Milatello before the week is out to discuss next steps.

I was able to leave the hospital on Thursday evening to return home. The girls started school on Friday and I really wanted to be home when they left. David has been an excellent nurse during these past few days. There are a lot of not so pleasant things to be done, and he has done them all without flinching. I am so proud of him. My mom has also been staying with me and has helped tremendously with the girls and around the house.

We've been managing the pain well and I have not had many bad moments. I've been doing my exercises religiously so that I don't lose range of motion. My chest area is incredibly tight and i have to force myself to breathe deeply. It is quite a strange experience.

Over the past few days, I have been inundated with cards, gifts, flowers and FOOD! It is so amazing to witness how kind people can be...and to be the recipient of that kindness. It is very difficult to not be able to do the things we think are easy each day (taking a shower, sleeping, folding clothes, getting dressed.) So, that is my lesson for this past week: Accept the kindness of others. I have had to learn not to fight it when people want to help out and accept their grace and support.

We are now in another "hurry up and wait" phase while we await the pathology reports. In the meantime, I have an appointment today to (hopefully) remove one or two of the drains I have to wear (I have four total). They are really a pain in the behind!

I'll post more news as it becomes available. Thank you again for the love and support and prayers. I feel them and am so grateful!!

Love to all-
Angie

Lesson 4: Failure is not an option

Tomorrow is the "big" day. Just had my final pre-op appointment with Dr. Freel (the plastic surgeon). Had to go to the new Woman's Hospital to get a shot of radiation in my breast for the Sentinal Node Biopsy...that was fun (not!) The new hospital is quite nice, but still in transition stage. Should be an interesting day for us. :)
This has been a very strange week as we "hurry up and wait" for the surgery. It's almost like everyone is walking on eggshells, trying to figure out how to act in this situation. I know it is totally strange for my friends and family. I'm sure they are thinking:

• Does she want to talk about it or not?
• Should I ask her to do something or does she want to stay home?
• Should I call or will she think I'm bugging her?
• Do we act like everything is normal or do we focus on what is going on?

I know this, because I have the same questions myself. I've been in limbo for the past week. I made my decision and was at peace with it, but a few days pass and you read some new study and think, what if I don't do both sides? I have to constantly re-confirm with myself that I made the right decision. 

Regardless, it will all be over tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting on the recovery side of this. I've been doing yoga every day and drinking lots of fresh vegetable and fruit juices. Investigating moving to a non-dairy, low to zero meat diet. The family is freaking out about this...but I want to set a good example for the girls and teach them to take charge of their health. I'll let you know how this battle goes in future blogs. :)

We have been inundated with cards and food and well wishes that truly lift us up and make us feel so blessed. I know that the prayers are there and helping us along this path. God is with me every step of the way and I will continue to be as positive as I can (with as few breakdowns as possible).

My lesson for this week is: Failure is not an option. This marathon is just beginning (thanks for the analogy, Kara!) But, with this amazing support system I have, I'll finish the race with flying colors (or maybe just pink :) )

Love again to all you-
See ya on the flip side...
Angie

My daily mantra...

Lesson 3: Appreciate the little things...

Just got a call from Dr. Christian's office and my FISH test is negative (yea!) This means that there is a chance I won't need chemo. We still have to wait until the Sentinal Node Biopsy to know for sure, though. Amazing how one negative result can lift your spirits! Another lesson learned: Appreciation for the little things.


Some other things I appreciate:

• My wonderful neighbors who brought dinner by for the family

• My friends and family who took the time to write a note of support and encouragement and put it in the mail (those cards are up and make me smile every day)

• My daughters who are actually getting along right now!

• My co-workers (especially my team), who have been so thoughtful and have picked up the slack since I've been in and out of work

• My new-found perspective on what is important in life

• and most of all...my husband who has been there every step of the way and refuses to leave my side (even though I know this is just as tough for him)

After much research and prayer, I have elected to do a bilateral mastectomy. I feel this will give me the best chances for no recurrence. I certainly don't want to go through this again, or live my life constantly worrying if the cancer is back.


Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, August 8 at 8:00 AM. I'll have the Sentinal Node Biopsy (let's pray for another negative!), followed by mastectomy, followed by the start of reconstruction. It will be a busy day for the surgeons! I know I am in good hands, though, and will be beginning the journey of recovery from this.
Appreciate you all...you lift me up and keep me going!
-Angie