Lesson 8: Just keep smiling...

Hello friends and family! 
Made it through round 2 relatively unscathed. I was armed with some new techniques to help with some of the symptoms. Days one and two are not terribly bad if I take the nausea medicine. Days 3 - 5 are the worst. 

My morning cocktail (taken before i get out of bed) consisted of the following: 

• Pepcid for the stomach pain 
• Claritin for the bone pain 
• Motrin for the headaches 

Found that if I stayed consistent with the meds, I could make it through each day with a lot less pain. Unfortunately, the mental aspect was worse this time. I was sad, angry, frustrated, hopeless...all the things I work so hard to NOT be. I wish i could just take my brain out during those 4-5 days. I mean, my brain literally felt like it had a chemical burn. But, as with round 1, it does pass and things improve. 

I've found that as soon as I feel the slightest bit better, getting out and taking a walk and MOVING helps. The weather has been wonderful, so that has made this much easier. 

My mental faculties, on the other hand, have been on a decline. My navigational skills (which were never perfect to begin with) have been deplorable. I've gotten lost more times than when I first started driving...even with a GPS! Figure that out. Also, David is finally beating me on Words with Friends. I will never live this down. 

My good friend and colleague at PerkinElmer, Kerry Besecker, started a charity to raise money for the National Breast Cancer Foundation in my name. He is going to shave his head on video and send the link to all who donate. His first goal was $5000. He made that, so increased it to $7500. As of today, he is less than $100 towards that goal, so he's upped the ante again to $10,000!!! Can you believe? I have had so many friends and colleagues donate (generously I might add), to this fundraiser. I am humbled and overwhelmed and full of gratitude. I've added the link for the fundraiser to the right if anyone would like to contribute. 

I've had a wonderful week and am enjoying the last few days until round 3...halfway through! I've been bald now for a few weeks and am getting used to all the stares when I go out in public. People don't mean to be rude, or mean, I guess they just aren't used to seeing a bald woman walking around. I've been thinking that if every woman who was going through chemo went bald for a day, it would be a HUGE eyeopener to the amount of cancer that is out there. I've seen so many beautiful women (and men) in the chemo room, coming in and out constantly. It saddens me to no end how many people are afflicted with this horrible disease. 

I was able to see David's family this past weekend in Lafayette. We had to go for a soccer game and his grandmother, Ma Lil, cooked a huge lunch for everyone. His mom, Artie, and sister, Michelle were there. As well as his aunts Dana, Louise, Jackie and their husbands, and his great aunt Jeanette and her husband. Talk about a crew! We were only able to visit for a short time before Lilly's game, but it was incredible to see them all. It had been years since we were all together. Dana's husband, John, gave me a Scapular blessed by Father Seelos. He has had it with him through his cancer treatments, and I am so thankful that he gave it to me. 

I continue to receive words of encouragement and support every day. It is truly overwhelming. My old friend, Kara Dauterive, sent me this batch of smiley face stickers to remind me to just keep smiling. What an easy way to affect your mood. If you just keep smiling, even if you don't feel like it, sooner or later your mood will change. I've done this when walking through a crowd alone with my bald head, feeling nervous and awkward, and it has helped. I do it when I have my blood work done each week, when I enter the chemo room to start the next round, and when get lost in Port Allen with all the kids trying to find a soccer field :). So, today's lesson is: Just keep smiling! (thanks Kara!) 

Have a blessed week! 
Love, Angie

Update: No going back now...

So, yesterday the hair started coming out...in handfuls. It was really quite surreal to run my fingers through my hair and come out with a nest of pink fluffiness. As the day progressed, my thick hair got progressively thinner and actually looked quite good for a couple hours.

So, we made the decision to take control of the situation and shave it all off. After a quick run to the Dollar General for some clippers, we were ready to go. David did the honors, as he has the most experience with this. Lilly was on sweeping duty and Chaney filmed the whole thing.

As the hair began to disappear, our lack of hair dying skills became painfully obvious. My scalp looked like a pink leopard. Luckily, I had gone to Sally's Beauty Supply earlier to get some "color cleanup" wipes.

After some serious scrubbing and a whole pile of pink wipes later, we were done. David schooled me in the art of shaving one's head (again, experience) and I emerged as smooth as a baby's bottom.

First thought when leaving the shower? Brrrrr. This is gonna take some getting used to (and a serious investment in some warm caps). David's reaction was priceless. I think he is now living some fantasy or bucket list dream: kick butt girl from the future (aka Blade Runner) or someone from the Matrix. Whatever it is, he thinks I'm hot...which is really cool. :)

I wake up this morning and I'm a little freaked out. What do I do now that I don't have to deal with my hair? As I am now about 21 hours into my new bald state, I've had some time to contemplate some of the perks of being bald:

1. I went to wash my face and didn't have to pull my hair back or worry about getting soap in my hair. But, where do you stop washing? I could technically wash my whole head now.
2. Instant de-clutter: I opened my cabinet which was filled with a myriad of hair care products, and promptly put them all in a box under the sink. Instant de-clutter of the cabinet! What to do with all that extra space now?
3. I don't have to worry about the wind blowing my hair into my lip gloss. Rode with the window down and nary a hair to mar my lipstick. (not mentioning the love bugs, though)
4. Learning new techniques: I have some really colorful scarfs to try to use as headwraps...just have to keep from looking like a leopard swallowed my head. 

I'm sure I will think of some more as I get used to this new "do"...but that's all I've got for now. Think I might have a glass of wine tomorrow to celebrate. It's been three weeks and I think my taste buds might actually enjoy it. 

Savoring every second of these beautiful days and feeling good before the next treatment on Thursday. God has been and continues to be with me during this trip...and he's working through all my wonderful friends and family who lift me up.

Hope you all have an amazing weekend!

a

Update: One round down, five to go

Hi everyone - Sorry it's taken me so long to check in. It was a rough several days and it took some time to get back in the swing of things. I thought I was relatively prepared, but was surprised by the length of time it took me to get back to normal. Hoping the next go-round will be easier with different expectations.

So, for those of you curious, here's how things have gone down over the past 11 days. On Thursday I checked in at the Oncology and Hematolgy Group and received my first round of chemo. I had taken steroids the day before and will take them the two days following treatment. They made me fidgety and I didn't get much sleep the night before. I met with the medical oncologist, Dr. Castine, as Dr. Miletello was on vacation. I must confess, I had a breakdown in the room waiting for the Dr. to come in. It was becoming quite real that the path I was about to take was going to be a long, not enjoyable one and I think the anxiety got to me. Luckily, David was there to get me through it. Met with Dr. Castine and then he sent me down to the "Chemo Room". If you've never seen one of these, it is a big room with lots of huge, leather recliners. It was very busy, which is quite sad to me.

So, I sit down and my nurse, Paula, gets me setup. The chemo nurses are amazing...so sweet and accomodating. I had put lidocane on my port area to numb it up, so there was no pain when she inserted the needle. She gave me a Benedryl and some anti-nausea meds in pill form before we began. I started off with an IV drip to make sure I was hydrated, then we started on the chemo bags. First up was the Cytoxan, which took about 30 minutes. Then came the Adriamycin. They also call this one the "Red Devil" (nice, huh?). It is dark red and you just know it is bad stuff looking at it. That one took about 45 minutes. Finally, they started the bag of Taxotere. During the treatement, I drank as much water as I could, ate a bit and wrote some thank you notes. I think the Benadryl kicked in about 1 1/2 hours in and I napped a bit. As the treatment went on, there was a metallic taste in my mouth and I got a little woozy. But, other than that, I had no problems. All told, I was in for about 3 hours. David took me home and I took the nausea medicine prescribed and went to sleep. First night, I didn't have any problems and slept well.

Friday morning comes around and I take my 6 AM nausea meds and go right back to sleep. Next thing I know, It's noon and David is back to take me to BR for a shot called Neulasta. I have to go in to the clinic to get it and it is supposed to help re-build my white blood cells. We head to town and my mom meets me at the clinic. She is going to take me back to St. Francisville after the shot and stay with us for the weekend (such a big help!). I go to the chemo room to get the shot and the nurse warns me that it causes "a lot" of bone pain. What the heck does that mean? I honestly couldn't imagine what bone pain felt like (other than the few broken bones I've had). She said that Claritin was supposed to help with that side-effect. OK. Great, more drugs. I take the shot and head back home. Back in bed to sleep another 24 hours!

Saturday rolls around and I pretty much slept all day. The nausea meds (taken every 6 hours as directed), definitly helped with nausea. But, they also knocked me out. This is FINE with me! I was able to get down some crackers and a few bites of cream of wheat over those two days, but nothing substansial. 

Sunday comes and by mid-morning, I start to feel like I can get out of bed. I take a shower and head to the kitchen to sit with my mom. Everyone is very happy to see me up. I'm pretty much in a fog. My head felt like it was full of cotton and I couldn't really speak well. Oh, and the bone pain the nurse warned me about, boy was it there. I can't describe it other than the fact that every bone in my body felt like it was broken and every joint felt like it was swollen. I was walking like I was 90 years old. Mentally, my attitude was taking a turn for the worse as well. I made myself go outside and sit for a while (it was a BEAUTIFUL day), but wasn't able to to much more.

Thankfully, my friend Candice setup a volunteer meal delivery among my friends, and we had dinner delivered Sunday night. The family ate well. My tastebuds were gone and most smells were nauseating, so I wasn't much fun to be around. I went to bed Sunday night hoping that Monday would be better.

Here's the wonderful thing about chemo, it's the gift that keeps giving. Monday I wake up to a headache, stomache pain, fuzzy head and blurred vision. I tried to get up and work some, but there was no way. I laid on the sofa and slept most of the day until the girls came home. At this point, I think I hit a low emotionally. I just couldn't fathom going through this five more times. There didn't seem to be any end in sight. Tuesday, same thing.

Wednesday rolls around and I'm finally starting to fell better. I was able to get a couple of hours of work in, and went for a short walk with David. Maybe the end was in sight! Thursday,  I woke up feeling remarkably better. I had to go in to our local Daniel Clinic to have blood work done first thing in the morning. I was able to get almost a full day of work in. Still a little tired, but nothing compared to earlier in the week.

Friday was a great day. I woke up feeling almost back to my old self and had a great day. The Dr. called with my bloodwork results. Unfortunately, I was in a state of Nadir, which is when your white blood cells are at their low point. My results were:

• white blood cell count: 1.6 (normal 4-10)
• Absolue Neutrophil count: 400 (normal >1000)

This meant that I could not be around crowds of people, had to be vigilant about washing hands, no fresh /raw fruit or vegetables or fresh flowers. They also put me on antibiotics as a preventative. Ugh! Just when you start feeling good, you can't do anything!

I woke up Saturday determined to get back in gear. I took a long walk with the dogs and worked on cleaning our outdoor seating area. I spent the entire day outside (careful not to be in the actual sun) and really enjoyed it. I felt energized and realized that I could do this. I'm hoping that, with a different set of expectations, I won't get as downtrodden as before. Unfortunately, every round will be different, so it may be wishful thinking.

So, that's where I am today. Feeling much better and trying to get strong for the next round. Last night, the girls colored my hair pink. Yes, pink. It should start coming out in the next couple of days, so I figured, why not? :)

Thank you for the cards and notes and food that continues to come in. I honestly don't know what I would do without everyone's support. I leave you with my new "do" (at least for a few days).
Have a great week everyone!!!
Love-
Angie

Let the chemo begin!

Lesson 7: Hugs are awesome...give a proper one today and enjoy it

I am feeling so great. Don't mean to brag, but each day I feel stronger and closer to the "old me". Scratch that...I'll never be the "old me", but I'm getting to know the "new me" and I'm OK with it. Knowing that I start chemo tomorrow, I'm savoring every second of feeling good. I've read and researched and prepared as much as I can for the next few months...but I honestly don't know what to expect. I figure that preparing for the worst is the best option, and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Last week was a whirlwind! Between doctors visits, chemo class, surgery--and, oh yeah, a hurricane--we've been quite busy! I had my port put in on Friday (rescheduled from Wednesday due to Isaac) and have been trying to get used to it:

David calls it our new house guest. I like to refer to it as my on/off switch or my easy button. Whatever you call it, it's supposed to make delivering the chemo drugs safer and easier for me. I'll be happy when it is gone. :)

Celebrated my birthday this weekend with friends and family. Had a wonderful day Saturday with our great friends Kimberly and Leo and family. Our kids have grown up together and it is always an adventure when we are together. I've decided that, since my hair is going to fall out anyway, now is the time to get creative with color. The kids (Ian, Lilly, Chaney, Alex and Estelle) were all there to "help" me color my hair platinum blonde. You can imagine the chaos. 

Unfortunately, the color didn't turn out like the package and I'm more of a strawberry blonde (or carrot top as Ian so aptly noted). Oh well...we can always try another color. Maybe really dark?

I also got to go to a baby shower for my cousin Diana. She is expecting a baby boy in November and he will be named Dixon (after my mom's side of the family). So nice to focus on positive things and see my family. It was wonderful.

One thing I've noticed lately that has been bugging me. I can't give a proper hug. I never realized how much I would miss this. It is such a basic way to show affection, but you never realize how nice it is until you can't do it. I'm looking forward to the day when chemo is over and I'm recovered from reconstruction and can give a proper hug. So that is my lesson for this week: Hugs are awesome...give a proper one today and enjoy it. 

As always, I must end with a thank you for the cards, flowers, food and sweet gifts that my friends and family have been sending. I honestly can't tell you how great it makes me feel to have so many people pulling for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Don't freak out if you see me and bear hug you, ok?

Love to all-
Angie

Lesson 6: God works His will, even if we aren't cooperating

Things are getting better each day. I'm feeling stronger and have greater range of motion, and I am so grateful that I'm able to do "normal" things again. The girls, my sister and I spent the weekend in Lafayette at a soccer tournament. I can't say I loved the muddy fields and scorching temperatures, but it was so nice to have quality time with the family. I had intended to call David's grandmother (who lives in Lafayette) for a visit, but got tied up in transporting, feeding and organizing my crew on Saturday and didn't get a chance to call her. It was a constant task on my mind, but I kept getting side-tracked.

After the first game, I took everyone to the Acadiana Mall to get some AC and food in between games. As we were leaving, I noticed a shop that specialized in shaping your eyebrows. I was looking at the sign and when I looked down to the door, guess who we saw exiting? You guessed it, David's grandmother, Lillian, and her sister Jeanette. These two beautiful ladies played a big role in David's life and I pray I am as spry and full of life when I am their age! They are true role models for all of us. They were doing a bit of shopping (and brow shaping :) ) and it was incredible to run into them. I know without a doubt it was God putting us in the right place at the right time...knowing that I couldn't get organized enough to plan a proper visit. Ma Lil got to see the girls and give everyone a big hug. What a blessing. So, I think my lesson here is this: God works His will, even if we aren't cooperating. 

Last week, we met with my oncologist, Dr. Militello. We were scheduled to meet with him on Wednesday (the day traffic stood still in Baton Rouge) afternoon. I think we were his last appointment for the day, but everyone was late before us, so it took us a while to see him. By the time he got to us, it was after 5:00 PM. Having nowhere to go due to traffic, he spent a long time getting to know me and my history. I really like him a lot and feel very comfortable with him. He is going to do a pretty aggressive chemo plan for me (which works for us, as we've been aggressive through this whole process). I'll start chemo on Sept. 6 and have 6 treatments, each spaced three weeks apart. I'll be given three different chemo drugs at each session. So, now we are in prep mode getting ready mentally and physically for the next 18 weeks.

Today is a big day for appointments. I am meeting with Dr. Freel (the plastic surgeon), Dr. Militello's nurse-practitioner for "chemo class" and finally, I'll get an echo cardiogram (one of the chemo drugs can be hard on the heart and he wants to make sure I am OK.) I'll have surgery on Wednesday to install (not sure if that is the proper terminology) a medi-port in my chest for the chemo. That is, if the storm Isaac doesn't mess with things.

Every day, I receive a note or email or care package from my amazing friends and family. I cannot tell you how much this boosts my spirit and feeds my soul. I am so thankful for all the amazing people in my life. 

To all my Louisiana readers, stay safe this week. Love to you all. 

Angie

Update...

Hi everyone!
What a difference a day can make. I just re-read my last post and it took me back to where I was mentally and physically last week. I pretty much hit rock bottom last Wednesday (1 week post surgery). This was due to a variety of physical and emotional issues. There is no handbook for recovering from a major surgery like a mastectomy, and I had to learn the hard way that there are some important things to take care of to improve the process.

I'm sure many of you have heard of the children's books "Everybody Poops", "Everybody Farts", etc. They are great little lessons in bodily functions for kids. I was going to title this post: "Everybody Poops....Except Me," but thought that might be a little much. :) I'm sharing this with you all because it really is important, and can really make you sick if not taken care of. And, a little humor goes a long way! My last post was the beginning of a few days of hell that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. 

I woke up Wednesday morning (8/15) with a sore throat, cough, ulcers all over my mouth, and a colon that wouldn't work. It has been 8 days without "going." Nothing...nada...not even the urge to go. I was nauseous and couldn't eat. Not in a good place. I finally broke down and texted my wonderful family doctor, Tim Lindsey (how great is it that I have my Dr.'s cell number?), with all the details. He wanted to see me that morning. My mom drove me to the Dr. and I had a complete emotional breakdown in the room. Dr. Lindsey is so wonderful...he listened to my breakdown, helped me calm down, made sure my vitals were OK and I wasn't dying (I wasn't ....just felt like it), and sent me home with some prescriptions to help me get back on my feet. Z-Pac for the cough, Magnesium Citrate and Dulcolax for the colon. 

For those of you that have had a colonoscopy,  Magnesium Citrate is what they use to prepare you for surgery. Let's just say it has a definite "cleaning out" effect. After chilling the innocent looking, clear liquid for an hour, I choked down half a bottle as prescribed, trying not to hurl. I was so excited to think there would be an end to this ordeal!  An hour goes by, two, four...nothing.  My poor colon must be in a sad state if it wasn't budging with this stuff. Exhausted, I went to bed after taking a few Dulcolax in desperation. 

Finally, 19 hours post MC, I had success. I was literally a new woman. Rainbows appeared in the sky, choirs were singing...life was good. Every day since has gotten better and better. :) So, my lesson for this post is: take care of your colon! (not going to put that in the title, though)

I had my final drain removed on Monday (8/20) and post op appointment with Dr. Christian Tuesday (8/21). I have Stage IIB cancer, which is still considered early stage. We are meeting the oncologist, Dr. Millitello, today at 4:00 PM. I don't think we'll have a plan of action today, but we will probably get a lot of information and have to make some more decisions about the next step in treatment. 

So, that is where I am today. Apologies for the detailed info on my colon health. I never realized how bad that could make you feel...and wouldn't want anyone else to go through this. I'm feeling great and ready to take on the next phase of this. 

A friend and co-worker told me breast cancer is like a triathlon...and it is a very apt analogy. The first phase (swimming) was the diagnosis...short and intense. I'm now in the bike phase...tough but steady. Next will be the grueling part: the hard run to the finish. I have no doubt I'll be in the clear by this time next year. My support system is incredible, the prayers are felt and my faith is strong. 

Love to you all-
Angie

Lesson 5: Accept the kindess of others

Dear friends and family-
I has been quite a week. I'm still on pain meds, so this may not be as eloquent as past posts. Here's a brief recap of what has transpired since I last posted.

I went to the new Woman's Hospital on Wednesday morning with David and the girls. I had a big support team there while they were prepping me for surgery (David & the girls, my mom, dad, Artie, Michelle, Jeanne, Denise). Talk about feeling loved. I remember feeling sleepy and then the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and there was David, telling me I was OK and made it through the procedures. I was also met by the most excruciating nausea that I have ever experienced in my life. I could not open my eyes, eat or drink for the next 13 hours. It was the worst afternoon/evening of my life. The nausea finally broke around 3 in the morning and I was able to eat half of a grape popsicle. Best thing I've ever tasted!

Unfortunately, I was to learn that Dr. Christian had found cancer in two of the Sentinel lymph nodes, so she had to remove the rest of my lymph nodes under my arm. They will be sending all of the tissue to get a pathology report and then send it along to Dr. Milatello (the oncologists). Hoping to get those results early this week, and meet with Dr. Milatello before the week is out to discuss next steps.

I was able to leave the hospital on Thursday evening to return home. The girls started school on Friday and I really wanted to be home when they left. David has been an excellent nurse during these past few days. There are a lot of not so pleasant things to be done, and he has done them all without flinching. I am so proud of him. My mom has also been staying with me and has helped tremendously with the girls and around the house.

We've been managing the pain well and I have not had many bad moments. I've been doing my exercises religiously so that I don't lose range of motion. My chest area is incredibly tight and i have to force myself to breathe deeply. It is quite a strange experience.

Over the past few days, I have been inundated with cards, gifts, flowers and FOOD! It is so amazing to witness how kind people can be...and to be the recipient of that kindness. It is very difficult to not be able to do the things we think are easy each day (taking a shower, sleeping, folding clothes, getting dressed.) So, that is my lesson for this past week: Accept the kindness of others. I have had to learn not to fight it when people want to help out and accept their grace and support.

We are now in another "hurry up and wait" phase while we await the pathology reports. In the meantime, I have an appointment today to (hopefully) remove one or two of the drains I have to wear (I have four total). They are really a pain in the behind!

I'll post more news as it becomes available. Thank you again for the love and support and prayers. I feel them and am so grateful!!

Love to all-
Angie

Lesson 4: Failure is not an option

Tomorrow is the "big" day. Just had my final pre-op appointment with Dr. Freel (the plastic surgeon). Had to go to the new Woman's Hospital to get a shot of radiation in my breast for the Sentinal Node Biopsy...that was fun (not!) The new hospital is quite nice, but still in transition stage. Should be an interesting day for us. :)
This has been a very strange week as we "hurry up and wait" for the surgery. It's almost like everyone is walking on eggshells, trying to figure out how to act in this situation. I know it is totally strange for my friends and family. I'm sure they are thinking:

• Does she want to talk about it or not?
• Should I ask her to do something or does she want to stay home?
• Should I call or will she think I'm bugging her?
• Do we act like everything is normal or do we focus on what is going on?

I know this, because I have the same questions myself. I've been in limbo for the past week. I made my decision and was at peace with it, but a few days pass and you read some new study and think, what if I don't do both sides? I have to constantly re-confirm with myself that I made the right decision. 

Regardless, it will all be over tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting on the recovery side of this. I've been doing yoga every day and drinking lots of fresh vegetable and fruit juices. Investigating moving to a non-dairy, low to zero meat diet. The family is freaking out about this...but I want to set a good example for the girls and teach them to take charge of their health. I'll let you know how this battle goes in future blogs. :)

We have been inundated with cards and food and well wishes that truly lift us up and make us feel so blessed. I know that the prayers are there and helping us along this path. God is with me every step of the way and I will continue to be as positive as I can (with as few breakdowns as possible).

My lesson for this week is: Failure is not an option. This marathon is just beginning (thanks for the analogy, Kara!) But, with this amazing support system I have, I'll finish the race with flying colors (or maybe just pink :) )

Love again to all you-
See ya on the flip side...
Angie

My daily mantra...

Lesson 3: Appreciate the little things...

Just got a call from Dr. Christian's office and my FISH test is negative (yea!) This means that there is a chance I won't need chemo. We still have to wait until the Sentinal Node Biopsy to know for sure, though. Amazing how one negative result can lift your spirits! Another lesson learned: Appreciation for the little things.


Some other things I appreciate:

• My wonderful neighbors who brought dinner by for the family

• My friends and family who took the time to write a note of support and encouragement and put it in the mail (those cards are up and make me smile every day)

• My daughters who are actually getting along right now!

• My co-workers (especially my team), who have been so thoughtful and have picked up the slack since I've been in and out of work

• My new-found perspective on what is important in life

• and most of all...my husband who has been there every step of the way and refuses to leave my side (even though I know this is just as tough for him)

After much research and prayer, I have elected to do a bilateral mastectomy. I feel this will give me the best chances for no recurrence. I certainly don't want to go through this again, or live my life constantly worrying if the cancer is back.


Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, August 8 at 8:00 AM. I'll have the Sentinal Node Biopsy (let's pray for another negative!), followed by mastectomy, followed by the start of reconstruction. It will be a busy day for the surgeons! I know I am in good hands, though, and will be beginning the journey of recovery from this.
Appreciate you all...you lift me up and keep me going!
-Angie

Lesson 2: Patience

It's almost been a week since the diagnosis. I'm learning quickly that this diagnosis is a game of "hurry up and wait". Kind of hard to do when you are talking about your life. So, another lesson is learned: patience. This is where faith really is tested. Negative thoughts try to creep in wherever that can, and it is a constant struggle to banish them.
Here's a recap of what has happened since the diagnosis last Monday:

• Met with Dr. Christian on Wednesday, July 25 for a full report on type of cancer and options. I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, 2.8 cm (which is a T2 grade of tumor). We can't "stage" the cancer until we get further information, but from the tumor size, we know I have at least Stage II cancer. If it has spread, it will be considered Stage III. 

• I tested positive for both Estrogen and Progesterone Receptors (NEU2), which means that my cancer cells respond to those hormones by replicating. They will put me on a drug therapy for 5 years that will help to block the hormone receptors in the cancer cells. We are still waiting for the results of a genetic test called FISH. If this test comes back positive, I will definitely need chemotherapy. If negative, there is a chance that I won't have to go through chemo.

• The tumor was within 1mm of the extra tissue taken in the biopsy on two sides, which means that they need to go in and take more tissue (called a lumpectomy). 

• They also need to do a Sentinal Node Biopsy, to see if the cancer has spread. The lymph nodes are the main filter system of the body, and will be where the cancer cells head first. They inject me with a blue dye and a small amount of radioactive material and will look for the main (or Sentinal) lymph nodes under my arm (which will turn smurf blue). They will remove those and immediately test them to see if cancer cells are present. If so, that means that the cancer has a high chance of having spread, and chemo and radiation is needed. They will then take the rest of the lymph nodes out.

• I need to have an MRI to see if there are any other areas in either breast that could be worrisome. I had the MRI on Friday, 27.

• My choices at this point are: Lumpectomy & Sentinal Note Biopsy followed by 5-7 weeks of radiation (everyday) or Mastectomy. As stated earlier, we won't know if chemo is needed until we see if the cancer has spread.

Dr. Christian met with us for over an hour and laid out all of our options. It was a lot to take in, but they gave me this big binder with all the information inside, including my pathology reports. She recommended several medical oncologist and plastic surgeons for us to consider. 

• If I have a lumpectomy, there is no guarantee that that they will get all the cancer, and the radiation will have a permanent, negative effect on the tissue of the breast.

• On the other hand: if I have a mastectomy, my chances are reduced to 1-2% recurrence and I won't need radiation. I won't have to worry as much when I go in for a mammogram (which is every 6 months.) But, I will lose my breast and be numb in my chest for the rest of my life.

So, David and I left with a lot to think about and some very big decisions to make. I must admit, I've had a few breakdowns during this time. This has all happened so quickly, and the decisions made can literally mean life or death.


After talking to my mom and sharing the results, she called me to say that Sister Dulce wanted to see me again. I made an appointment for the next day (Thursday, July 26). On the way to her ministry, I was contemplating my choices. It is very evident to me that my cancer is aggressive and not something to play around with.  
I go in to see Sister and she asks me what the latest status is. I fill her in on the details and she takes my hand. She told me that she doesn't think it has spread, but we need to wait for the lymph node results to be sure. She asked me what I was considering doing. I told her i was leaning towards mastectomy. She said, "If it was me, I would go ahead and take both. I have see too many women over the years choose to take one breast, only to have a tumor show up in the other breast two weeks later." This confirmed what I felt in my gut. We talked some more and she consoled me during some of my weaker moments. She reiterated that we need to move quickly...not to let the doctors prolong action. I left there feeling much more resolute than when I entered. 


So, now we wait for more test results: FISH test, MRI. We should have test results by Tuesday or Wednesday (which will help with the mastectomy decision if it shows more lesions). I am meeting with a plastic surgeon today to discuss reconstruction options. If I decide to go with the mastectomy, the plastic surgeon will be there during the Sentinal node biopsy and will take over immediately after the mastectomy. 


On a lighter note: David surprised me with a visit to New Orleans Saturday and we were not allowed to discuss the "c" word during our stay. We had an incredible meal at a restaurant called "Root" (highly recommend) and had a couples massage. It was nice to detach from things for a little while.


But, back to the fight. We will be pushing hard to move forward with one of the options as quickly as possible. We want to start on the recovery side of this. The lesson in "Patience" has been a hard one, but part of the plan.


I have to say again how awed I am by the outpouring of love, prayers and support from friends and family. It is overwhelming and I am so thankful. Keep those prayers coming...they are felt! 


More to come...Angie

Lesson 1: Life is full of surprises (some not as good as others)

This letter was sent to friends and family on Tuesday, July 24:

Dear friends and family –

Apologies for doing this in an email, but there are so many people to talk to and not enough hours in the day. Some of you may have heard already that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I wanted to give you a background on what has happened to-date and what we are planning for the immediate future. I totally understand if you don’t want to know the details, but want to share this info with everyone in case you or someone you love is faced with this in the future.

I want to say in advance that I am overwhelmed with the prayers and support that I have already received. It is humbling and overwhelming to be on the receiving end of this grace.

So….here’s what has happened so far and what we have planned for the coming weeks.

On July 8, I noticed a large mass in my left breast. For my girlfriends out there, this was not like anything I had felt before. It didn’t hurt (which sometimes happens before your cycle) and was quite hard. I have had smaller cysts (that always hurt) that I’ve called about in the past, but they were usually caused by too much caffeine or that time of the month, and went away after a couple of days. I was leaving to go out of town the next day, so decided to wait it out until my return to see if there were any changes. Well, nothing changed and when I landed back in BR on Friday afternoon, I immediately called to schedule an appointment for Monday.

On Monday, July 16, I went in for a mammogram and ultrasound. I had received a “baseline” mammogram at 36 and was not scheduled to start my annual mammograms until this year (my annual appointment was in August). It is important to note that I have NONE of the predefining conditions for breast cancer: no family history, children before age 28, nursed, not overweight). I went in for the ultrasound and it was quite clear that things were serious a few minutes in. The ultrasound technician got very quiet and started taking a lot of pictures. She left the room to call in the Radiologist and I knew where it was headed. Can’t tell you the fear and sadness that hit me at that moment. The radiologist came in and showed me what they found. He said that they were sending me next door to my OB/GYN who would schedule an appointment with a surgeon. Talk about dazed and confused! I called David while waiting and he rushed over to meet me. I went next door and they scheduled an appointment for me on Thursday (3 days later).

This is where the Grace starts happening. A bit of background: My mother, Joyce, works for a ministry in Baton Rouge called Cypress Springs Mercedarian Prayer Center. The Center was founded by a Mercedarian nun named Sister Dulce Maria. She has been given the Gift of healing and sight from God (whom she calls Papa). Hundreds and hundreds of people come each year to meet with her and have her counsel with them as they face major life events. The ministry continues to grow day by day and Sister has helped people from all over the world. My mother runs the front office and is one of Sister Dulce’s trusted inner circle.

I called my mom to let her know what was going on and she said she would ask Sister Dulce if she could see me sometime during the week. I was almost home when I got a call back that Sister wanted to see me that afternoon. I did a quick UTurn and headed to the Center. David and I went in to see Sister Dulce. She sat us both down in front of her and asked me to show her where the mass was. She touched it and closed her eyes. Her first words were “Oh my, it’s quite hard. That’s not good.” After a few more moments, she said, “There’s the burn.” When she feels cancer in someone, it feels like a burning sensation through her fingertips. She then asked Papa a few questions and said, “I understand.”

She said that it was indeed cancer, but that she thinks I caught it early and it was still localized. She said, “Do not, under any circumstances, let them talk you into a biopsy. You want this mass out of you as soon as possible. It is very aggressive. You will have two surgeries, one to remove the mass, and the other to remove more tissue. Then, you will be clear.” She wanted to see the type of cancer before we talked further, and wanted to see me frequently over the next several months to make sure they removed all of the cancer and that it did not re-occur. She said that I would see her during the surgery and she would be with me, “but don’t talk to me.” She said some more encouraging words and sent us on our way with a, “God bless you.”

At this point, you can imagine that I was a bit out of sort. It was a lot to take in. David and I headed home. Later that evening, I received a call that my doctor could see me on Tuesday (instead of Thursday). “Absolutely!! The sooner the better.” I took this as a very positive sign that, 1. God was looking out for me or 2. Things were a lot worse than they thought and they needed to get me in. Probably a bit of both. J

David and I met at the Dr. Christian’s office at 12:30 on Tuesday. The Dr. was very matter of fact, did an exam and let me know that the options: biopsy or lumpectomy (where they remove the mass and some of the surrounding tissue.) David and I had already decided that we wanted this thing OUT and the doctor had no objections. She sent us down to surgery scheduling. After a long wait (while peeking at the radiologist’s report that stated that the mass was “very worrisome”), the nurse came in. She said, “How about tomorrow morning at 7 am?” Again, Grace at work. Absolutely…we want this over with!

So, 5:00 am on Wednesday, July 18, we head out for surgery at Woman’s Hospital. I got all setup and injected with my “morning margarita” (as my sweet nurse Lauren called the shot). I was visited by my mother-in-law, Artie, my dad, my mom, my sister Denise and my wonderful friends Kimberly, Leo and my godson Ian. Talk about a sendoff! Everything went well and I was sent home to wait for the pathology results.

Thus began the looooooong wait for the results. It is a special sort of hell waiting to know if you have cancer or not. I knew in my gut that I had it, and Sister Dulce had confirmed it, but, you always hold out hope that you are wrong. During the wait, you go through all the possible scenarios, research every type of cancer and prognosis. Not good stuff. Probably good then, that we decided to paint our house that weekend and had to move out. David says I planned this on purpose so I wouldn’t have to lift anything. ;) Anyway, our great friends Frank and Candice were going on vacation and were kind enough to let us use their house for the week while we painted. No sense changing plans…

Fast forward 5 days to today, Monday, July 23, 2012: Dr. Christian calls and confirms that the tumor was cancerous. “2.8 cm, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC).” She couldn’t tell me anything else until we did an MRI, blood work and another surgery to see if it has metastasized.  I have an appointment to meet with Dr. Christian on Wednesday to go over the next steps.

When I called my mom to tell her, she happened to be with Sister Dulce and she asked to talk to me. She said “They got all of the tumor and it has not spread. It is still localized. If you had gotten a biopsy, it would have spread throughout your entire body, as it was very aggressive.” She said I would be OK, but needed to be vigilant to make sure it doesn’t reappear. She did not rule out a mastectomy, but told me that I would beat this. This was very comforting to hear.

So…that’s where we are now. We have a lot of research and decisions to make in the coming days and weeks, but I have an amazing partner who has been by my side the whole time and has been an amazing, if tough, caregiver. We’ve told the girls and we are going to fight this as a family.

I can honestly say that I have felt the prayers that have come my way. I have experienced moments over the past week that have brought me to my knees, but I have also felt a complete sense of peace and acceptance that I can only attribute to God. I have never been an overtly religious person, but I have always had faith. I never thought I would feel Grace so tangibly as I have through this process.

We have a long road ahead, but are equipped with great family, friends, community and, most of all, FAITH, that a higher power will get us through this.

Thanks again to all of you who have called, emailed, texted, etc. I’ll try and send messages periodically to let you know how things are going. If you have questions, please let David or me know…we’re happy to hear from you.

Sorry for the novel of an email. Just wanted to get this down while everything was fresh.

Love to you all!!!

Angie