Update: No going back now...

So, yesterday the hair started coming out...in handfuls. It was really quite surreal to run my fingers through my hair and come out with a nest of pink fluffiness. As the day progressed, my thick hair got progressively thinner and actually looked quite good for a couple hours.

So, we made the decision to take control of the situation and shave it all off. After a quick run to the Dollar General for some clippers, we were ready to go. David did the honors, as he has the most experience with this. Lilly was on sweeping duty and Chaney filmed the whole thing.

As the hair began to disappear, our lack of hair dying skills became painfully obvious. My scalp looked like a pink leopard. Luckily, I had gone to Sally's Beauty Supply earlier to get some "color cleanup" wipes.

After some serious scrubbing and a whole pile of pink wipes later, we were done. David schooled me in the art of shaving one's head (again, experience) and I emerged as smooth as a baby's bottom.

First thought when leaving the shower? Brrrrr. This is gonna take some getting used to (and a serious investment in some warm caps). David's reaction was priceless. I think he is now living some fantasy or bucket list dream: kick butt girl from the future (aka Blade Runner) or someone from the Matrix. Whatever it is, he thinks I'm hot...which is really cool. :)

I wake up this morning and I'm a little freaked out. What do I do now that I don't have to deal with my hair? As I am now about 21 hours into my new bald state, I've had some time to contemplate some of the perks of being bald:

1. I went to wash my face and didn't have to pull my hair back or worry about getting soap in my hair. But, where do you stop washing? I could technically wash my whole head now.
2. Instant de-clutter: I opened my cabinet which was filled with a myriad of hair care products, and promptly put them all in a box under the sink. Instant de-clutter of the cabinet! What to do with all that extra space now?
3. I don't have to worry about the wind blowing my hair into my lip gloss. Rode with the window down and nary a hair to mar my lipstick. (not mentioning the love bugs, though)
4. Learning new techniques: I have some really colorful scarfs to try to use as headwraps...just have to keep from looking like a leopard swallowed my head. 

I'm sure I will think of some more as I get used to this new "do"...but that's all I've got for now. Think I might have a glass of wine tomorrow to celebrate. It's been three weeks and I think my taste buds might actually enjoy it. 

Savoring every second of these beautiful days and feeling good before the next treatment on Thursday. God has been and continues to be with me during this trip...and he's working through all my wonderful friends and family who lift me up.

Hope you all have an amazing weekend!

a

Update: One round down, five to go

Hi everyone - Sorry it's taken me so long to check in. It was a rough several days and it took some time to get back in the swing of things. I thought I was relatively prepared, but was surprised by the length of time it took me to get back to normal. Hoping the next go-round will be easier with different expectations.

So, for those of you curious, here's how things have gone down over the past 11 days. On Thursday I checked in at the Oncology and Hematolgy Group and received my first round of chemo. I had taken steroids the day before and will take them the two days following treatment. They made me fidgety and I didn't get much sleep the night before. I met with the medical oncologist, Dr. Castine, as Dr. Miletello was on vacation. I must confess, I had a breakdown in the room waiting for the Dr. to come in. It was becoming quite real that the path I was about to take was going to be a long, not enjoyable one and I think the anxiety got to me. Luckily, David was there to get me through it. Met with Dr. Castine and then he sent me down to the "Chemo Room". If you've never seen one of these, it is a big room with lots of huge, leather recliners. It was very busy, which is quite sad to me.

So, I sit down and my nurse, Paula, gets me setup. The chemo nurses are amazing...so sweet and accomodating. I had put lidocane on my port area to numb it up, so there was no pain when she inserted the needle. She gave me a Benedryl and some anti-nausea meds in pill form before we began. I started off with an IV drip to make sure I was hydrated, then we started on the chemo bags. First up was the Cytoxan, which took about 30 minutes. Then came the Adriamycin. They also call this one the "Red Devil" (nice, huh?). It is dark red and you just know it is bad stuff looking at it. That one took about 45 minutes. Finally, they started the bag of Taxotere. During the treatement, I drank as much water as I could, ate a bit and wrote some thank you notes. I think the Benadryl kicked in about 1 1/2 hours in and I napped a bit. As the treatment went on, there was a metallic taste in my mouth and I got a little woozy. But, other than that, I had no problems. All told, I was in for about 3 hours. David took me home and I took the nausea medicine prescribed and went to sleep. First night, I didn't have any problems and slept well.

Friday morning comes around and I take my 6 AM nausea meds and go right back to sleep. Next thing I know, It's noon and David is back to take me to BR for a shot called Neulasta. I have to go in to the clinic to get it and it is supposed to help re-build my white blood cells. We head to town and my mom meets me at the clinic. She is going to take me back to St. Francisville after the shot and stay with us for the weekend (such a big help!). I go to the chemo room to get the shot and the nurse warns me that it causes "a lot" of bone pain. What the heck does that mean? I honestly couldn't imagine what bone pain felt like (other than the few broken bones I've had). She said that Claritin was supposed to help with that side-effect. OK. Great, more drugs. I take the shot and head back home. Back in bed to sleep another 24 hours!

Saturday rolls around and I pretty much slept all day. The nausea meds (taken every 6 hours as directed), definitly helped with nausea. But, they also knocked me out. This is FINE with me! I was able to get down some crackers and a few bites of cream of wheat over those two days, but nothing substansial. 

Sunday comes and by mid-morning, I start to feel like I can get out of bed. I take a shower and head to the kitchen to sit with my mom. Everyone is very happy to see me up. I'm pretty much in a fog. My head felt like it was full of cotton and I couldn't really speak well. Oh, and the bone pain the nurse warned me about, boy was it there. I can't describe it other than the fact that every bone in my body felt like it was broken and every joint felt like it was swollen. I was walking like I was 90 years old. Mentally, my attitude was taking a turn for the worse as well. I made myself go outside and sit for a while (it was a BEAUTIFUL day), but wasn't able to to much more.

Thankfully, my friend Candice setup a volunteer meal delivery among my friends, and we had dinner delivered Sunday night. The family ate well. My tastebuds were gone and most smells were nauseating, so I wasn't much fun to be around. I went to bed Sunday night hoping that Monday would be better.

Here's the wonderful thing about chemo, it's the gift that keeps giving. Monday I wake up to a headache, stomache pain, fuzzy head and blurred vision. I tried to get up and work some, but there was no way. I laid on the sofa and slept most of the day until the girls came home. At this point, I think I hit a low emotionally. I just couldn't fathom going through this five more times. There didn't seem to be any end in sight. Tuesday, same thing.

Wednesday rolls around and I'm finally starting to fell better. I was able to get a couple of hours of work in, and went for a short walk with David. Maybe the end was in sight! Thursday,  I woke up feeling remarkably better. I had to go in to our local Daniel Clinic to have blood work done first thing in the morning. I was able to get almost a full day of work in. Still a little tired, but nothing compared to earlier in the week.

Friday was a great day. I woke up feeling almost back to my old self and had a great day. The Dr. called with my bloodwork results. Unfortunately, I was in a state of Nadir, which is when your white blood cells are at their low point. My results were:

• white blood cell count: 1.6 (normal 4-10)
• Absolue Neutrophil count: 400 (normal >1000)

This meant that I could not be around crowds of people, had to be vigilant about washing hands, no fresh /raw fruit or vegetables or fresh flowers. They also put me on antibiotics as a preventative. Ugh! Just when you start feeling good, you can't do anything!

I woke up Saturday determined to get back in gear. I took a long walk with the dogs and worked on cleaning our outdoor seating area. I spent the entire day outside (careful not to be in the actual sun) and really enjoyed it. I felt energized and realized that I could do this. I'm hoping that, with a different set of expectations, I won't get as downtrodden as before. Unfortunately, every round will be different, so it may be wishful thinking.

So, that's where I am today. Feeling much better and trying to get strong for the next round. Last night, the girls colored my hair pink. Yes, pink. It should start coming out in the next couple of days, so I figured, why not? :)

Thank you for the cards and notes and food that continues to come in. I honestly don't know what I would do without everyone's support. I leave you with my new "do" (at least for a few days).
Have a great week everyone!!!
Love-
Angie

Let the chemo begin!

Lesson 7: Hugs are awesome...give a proper one today and enjoy it

I am feeling so great. Don't mean to brag, but each day I feel stronger and closer to the "old me". Scratch that...I'll never be the "old me", but I'm getting to know the "new me" and I'm OK with it. Knowing that I start chemo tomorrow, I'm savoring every second of feeling good. I've read and researched and prepared as much as I can for the next few months...but I honestly don't know what to expect. I figure that preparing for the worst is the best option, and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Last week was a whirlwind! Between doctors visits, chemo class, surgery--and, oh yeah, a hurricane--we've been quite busy! I had my port put in on Friday (rescheduled from Wednesday due to Isaac) and have been trying to get used to it:

David calls it our new house guest. I like to refer to it as my on/off switch or my easy button. Whatever you call it, it's supposed to make delivering the chemo drugs safer and easier for me. I'll be happy when it is gone. :)

Celebrated my birthday this weekend with friends and family. Had a wonderful day Saturday with our great friends Kimberly and Leo and family. Our kids have grown up together and it is always an adventure when we are together. I've decided that, since my hair is going to fall out anyway, now is the time to get creative with color. The kids (Ian, Lilly, Chaney, Alex and Estelle) were all there to "help" me color my hair platinum blonde. You can imagine the chaos. 

Unfortunately, the color didn't turn out like the package and I'm more of a strawberry blonde (or carrot top as Ian so aptly noted). Oh well...we can always try another color. Maybe really dark?

I also got to go to a baby shower for my cousin Diana. She is expecting a baby boy in November and he will be named Dixon (after my mom's side of the family). So nice to focus on positive things and see my family. It was wonderful.

One thing I've noticed lately that has been bugging me. I can't give a proper hug. I never realized how much I would miss this. It is such a basic way to show affection, but you never realize how nice it is until you can't do it. I'm looking forward to the day when chemo is over and I'm recovered from reconstruction and can give a proper hug. So that is my lesson for this week: Hugs are awesome...give a proper one today and enjoy it. 

As always, I must end with a thank you for the cards, flowers, food and sweet gifts that my friends and family have been sending. I honestly can't tell you how great it makes me feel to have so many people pulling for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Don't freak out if you see me and bear hug you, ok?

Love to all-
Angie

Lesson 6: God works His will, even if we aren't cooperating

Things are getting better each day. I'm feeling stronger and have greater range of motion, and I am so grateful that I'm able to do "normal" things again. The girls, my sister and I spent the weekend in Lafayette at a soccer tournament. I can't say I loved the muddy fields and scorching temperatures, but it was so nice to have quality time with the family. I had intended to call David's grandmother (who lives in Lafayette) for a visit, but got tied up in transporting, feeding and organizing my crew on Saturday and didn't get a chance to call her. It was a constant task on my mind, but I kept getting side-tracked.

After the first game, I took everyone to the Acadiana Mall to get some AC and food in between games. As we were leaving, I noticed a shop that specialized in shaping your eyebrows. I was looking at the sign and when I looked down to the door, guess who we saw exiting? You guessed it, David's grandmother, Lillian, and her sister Jeanette. These two beautiful ladies played a big role in David's life and I pray I am as spry and full of life when I am their age! They are true role models for all of us. They were doing a bit of shopping (and brow shaping :) ) and it was incredible to run into them. I know without a doubt it was God putting us in the right place at the right time...knowing that I couldn't get organized enough to plan a proper visit. Ma Lil got to see the girls and give everyone a big hug. What a blessing. So, I think my lesson here is this: God works His will, even if we aren't cooperating. 

Last week, we met with my oncologist, Dr. Militello. We were scheduled to meet with him on Wednesday (the day traffic stood still in Baton Rouge) afternoon. I think we were his last appointment for the day, but everyone was late before us, so it took us a while to see him. By the time he got to us, it was after 5:00 PM. Having nowhere to go due to traffic, he spent a long time getting to know me and my history. I really like him a lot and feel very comfortable with him. He is going to do a pretty aggressive chemo plan for me (which works for us, as we've been aggressive through this whole process). I'll start chemo on Sept. 6 and have 6 treatments, each spaced three weeks apart. I'll be given three different chemo drugs at each session. So, now we are in prep mode getting ready mentally and physically for the next 18 weeks.

Today is a big day for appointments. I am meeting with Dr. Freel (the plastic surgeon), Dr. Militello's nurse-practitioner for "chemo class" and finally, I'll get an echo cardiogram (one of the chemo drugs can be hard on the heart and he wants to make sure I am OK.) I'll have surgery on Wednesday to install (not sure if that is the proper terminology) a medi-port in my chest for the chemo. That is, if the storm Isaac doesn't mess with things.

Every day, I receive a note or email or care package from my amazing friends and family. I cannot tell you how much this boosts my spirit and feeds my soul. I am so thankful for all the amazing people in my life. 

To all my Louisiana readers, stay safe this week. Love to you all. 

Angie

Update...

Hi everyone!
What a difference a day can make. I just re-read my last post and it took me back to where I was mentally and physically last week. I pretty much hit rock bottom last Wednesday (1 week post surgery). This was due to a variety of physical and emotional issues. There is no handbook for recovering from a major surgery like a mastectomy, and I had to learn the hard way that there are some important things to take care of to improve the process.

I'm sure many of you have heard of the children's books "Everybody Poops", "Everybody Farts", etc. They are great little lessons in bodily functions for kids. I was going to title this post: "Everybody Poops....Except Me," but thought that might be a little much. :) I'm sharing this with you all because it really is important, and can really make you sick if not taken care of. And, a little humor goes a long way! My last post was the beginning of a few days of hell that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. 

I woke up Wednesday morning (8/15) with a sore throat, cough, ulcers all over my mouth, and a colon that wouldn't work. It has been 8 days without "going." Nothing...nada...not even the urge to go. I was nauseous and couldn't eat. Not in a good place. I finally broke down and texted my wonderful family doctor, Tim Lindsey (how great is it that I have my Dr.'s cell number?), with all the details. He wanted to see me that morning. My mom drove me to the Dr. and I had a complete emotional breakdown in the room. Dr. Lindsey is so wonderful...he listened to my breakdown, helped me calm down, made sure my vitals were OK and I wasn't dying (I wasn't ....just felt like it), and sent me home with some prescriptions to help me get back on my feet. Z-Pac for the cough, Magnesium Citrate and Dulcolax for the colon. 

For those of you that have had a colonoscopy,  Magnesium Citrate is what they use to prepare you for surgery. Let's just say it has a definite "cleaning out" effect. After chilling the innocent looking, clear liquid for an hour, I choked down half a bottle as prescribed, trying not to hurl. I was so excited to think there would be an end to this ordeal!  An hour goes by, two, four...nothing.  My poor colon must be in a sad state if it wasn't budging with this stuff. Exhausted, I went to bed after taking a few Dulcolax in desperation. 

Finally, 19 hours post MC, I had success. I was literally a new woman. Rainbows appeared in the sky, choirs were singing...life was good. Every day since has gotten better and better. :) So, my lesson for this post is: take care of your colon! (not going to put that in the title, though)

I had my final drain removed on Monday (8/20) and post op appointment with Dr. Christian Tuesday (8/21). I have Stage IIB cancer, which is still considered early stage. We are meeting the oncologist, Dr. Millitello, today at 4:00 PM. I don't think we'll have a plan of action today, but we will probably get a lot of information and have to make some more decisions about the next step in treatment. 

So, that is where I am today. Apologies for the detailed info on my colon health. I never realized how bad that could make you feel...and wouldn't want anyone else to go through this. I'm feeling great and ready to take on the next phase of this. 

A friend and co-worker told me breast cancer is like a triathlon...and it is a very apt analogy. The first phase (swimming) was the diagnosis...short and intense. I'm now in the bike phase...tough but steady. Next will be the grueling part: the hard run to the finish. I have no doubt I'll be in the clear by this time next year. My support system is incredible, the prayers are felt and my faith is strong. 

Love to you all-
Angie

Lesson 5: Accept the kindess of others

Dear friends and family-
I has been quite a week. I'm still on pain meds, so this may not be as eloquent as past posts. Here's a brief recap of what has transpired since I last posted.

I went to the new Woman's Hospital on Wednesday morning with David and the girls. I had a big support team there while they were prepping me for surgery (David & the girls, my mom, dad, Artie, Michelle, Jeanne, Denise). Talk about feeling loved. I remember feeling sleepy and then the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and there was David, telling me I was OK and made it through the procedures. I was also met by the most excruciating nausea that I have ever experienced in my life. I could not open my eyes, eat or drink for the next 13 hours. It was the worst afternoon/evening of my life. The nausea finally broke around 3 in the morning and I was able to eat half of a grape popsicle. Best thing I've ever tasted!

Unfortunately, I was to learn that Dr. Christian had found cancer in two of the Sentinel lymph nodes, so she had to remove the rest of my lymph nodes under my arm. They will be sending all of the tissue to get a pathology report and then send it along to Dr. Milatello (the oncologists). Hoping to get those results early this week, and meet with Dr. Milatello before the week is out to discuss next steps.

I was able to leave the hospital on Thursday evening to return home. The girls started school on Friday and I really wanted to be home when they left. David has been an excellent nurse during these past few days. There are a lot of not so pleasant things to be done, and he has done them all without flinching. I am so proud of him. My mom has also been staying with me and has helped tremendously with the girls and around the house.

We've been managing the pain well and I have not had many bad moments. I've been doing my exercises religiously so that I don't lose range of motion. My chest area is incredibly tight and i have to force myself to breathe deeply. It is quite a strange experience.

Over the past few days, I have been inundated with cards, gifts, flowers and FOOD! It is so amazing to witness how kind people can be...and to be the recipient of that kindness. It is very difficult to not be able to do the things we think are easy each day (taking a shower, sleeping, folding clothes, getting dressed.) So, that is my lesson for this past week: Accept the kindness of others. I have had to learn not to fight it when people want to help out and accept their grace and support.

We are now in another "hurry up and wait" phase while we await the pathology reports. In the meantime, I have an appointment today to (hopefully) remove one or two of the drains I have to wear (I have four total). They are really a pain in the behind!

I'll post more news as it becomes available. Thank you again for the love and support and prayers. I feel them and am so grateful!!

Love to all-
Angie