Lesson 2: Patience

It's almost been a week since the diagnosis. I'm learning quickly that this diagnosis is a game of "hurry up and wait". Kind of hard to do when you are talking about your life. So, another lesson is learned: patience. This is where faith really is tested. Negative thoughts try to creep in wherever that can, and it is a constant struggle to banish them.
Here's a recap of what has happened since the diagnosis last Monday:

• Met with Dr. Christian on Wednesday, July 25 for a full report on type of cancer and options. I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, 2.8 cm (which is a T2 grade of tumor). We can't "stage" the cancer until we get further information, but from the tumor size, we know I have at least Stage II cancer. If it has spread, it will be considered Stage III. 

• I tested positive for both Estrogen and Progesterone Receptors (NEU2), which means that my cancer cells respond to those hormones by replicating. They will put me on a drug therapy for 5 years that will help to block the hormone receptors in the cancer cells. We are still waiting for the results of a genetic test called FISH. If this test comes back positive, I will definitely need chemotherapy. If negative, there is a chance that I won't have to go through chemo.

• The tumor was within 1mm of the extra tissue taken in the biopsy on two sides, which means that they need to go in and take more tissue (called a lumpectomy). 

• They also need to do a Sentinal Node Biopsy, to see if the cancer has spread. The lymph nodes are the main filter system of the body, and will be where the cancer cells head first. They inject me with a blue dye and a small amount of radioactive material and will look for the main (or Sentinal) lymph nodes under my arm (which will turn smurf blue). They will remove those and immediately test them to see if cancer cells are present. If so, that means that the cancer has a high chance of having spread, and chemo and radiation is needed. They will then take the rest of the lymph nodes out.

• I need to have an MRI to see if there are any other areas in either breast that could be worrisome. I had the MRI on Friday, 27.

• My choices at this point are: Lumpectomy & Sentinal Note Biopsy followed by 5-7 weeks of radiation (everyday) or Mastectomy. As stated earlier, we won't know if chemo is needed until we see if the cancer has spread.

Dr. Christian met with us for over an hour and laid out all of our options. It was a lot to take in, but they gave me this big binder with all the information inside, including my pathology reports. She recommended several medical oncologist and plastic surgeons for us to consider. 

• If I have a lumpectomy, there is no guarantee that that they will get all the cancer, and the radiation will have a permanent, negative effect on the tissue of the breast.

• On the other hand: if I have a mastectomy, my chances are reduced to 1-2% recurrence and I won't need radiation. I won't have to worry as much when I go in for a mammogram (which is every 6 months.) But, I will lose my breast and be numb in my chest for the rest of my life.

So, David and I left with a lot to think about and some very big decisions to make. I must admit, I've had a few breakdowns during this time. This has all happened so quickly, and the decisions made can literally mean life or death.


After talking to my mom and sharing the results, she called me to say that Sister Dulce wanted to see me again. I made an appointment for the next day (Thursday, July 26). On the way to her ministry, I was contemplating my choices. It is very evident to me that my cancer is aggressive and not something to play around with.  
I go in to see Sister and she asks me what the latest status is. I fill her in on the details and she takes my hand. She told me that she doesn't think it has spread, but we need to wait for the lymph node results to be sure. She asked me what I was considering doing. I told her i was leaning towards mastectomy. She said, "If it was me, I would go ahead and take both. I have see too many women over the years choose to take one breast, only to have a tumor show up in the other breast two weeks later." This confirmed what I felt in my gut. We talked some more and she consoled me during some of my weaker moments. She reiterated that we need to move quickly...not to let the doctors prolong action. I left there feeling much more resolute than when I entered. 


So, now we wait for more test results: FISH test, MRI. We should have test results by Tuesday or Wednesday (which will help with the mastectomy decision if it shows more lesions). I am meeting with a plastic surgeon today to discuss reconstruction options. If I decide to go with the mastectomy, the plastic surgeon will be there during the Sentinal node biopsy and will take over immediately after the mastectomy. 


On a lighter note: David surprised me with a visit to New Orleans Saturday and we were not allowed to discuss the "c" word during our stay. We had an incredible meal at a restaurant called "Root" (highly recommend) and had a couples massage. It was nice to detach from things for a little while.


But, back to the fight. We will be pushing hard to move forward with one of the options as quickly as possible. We want to start on the recovery side of this. The lesson in "Patience" has been a hard one, but part of the plan.


I have to say again how awed I am by the outpouring of love, prayers and support from friends and family. It is overwhelming and I am so thankful. Keep those prayers coming...they are felt! 


More to come...Angie

Lesson 1: Life is full of surprises (some not as good as others)

This letter was sent to friends and family on Tuesday, July 24:

Dear friends and family –

Apologies for doing this in an email, but there are so many people to talk to and not enough hours in the day. Some of you may have heard already that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I wanted to give you a background on what has happened to-date and what we are planning for the immediate future. I totally understand if you don’t want to know the details, but want to share this info with everyone in case you or someone you love is faced with this in the future.

I want to say in advance that I am overwhelmed with the prayers and support that I have already received. It is humbling and overwhelming to be on the receiving end of this grace.

So….here’s what has happened so far and what we have planned for the coming weeks.

On July 8, I noticed a large mass in my left breast. For my girlfriends out there, this was not like anything I had felt before. It didn’t hurt (which sometimes happens before your cycle) and was quite hard. I have had smaller cysts (that always hurt) that I’ve called about in the past, but they were usually caused by too much caffeine or that time of the month, and went away after a couple of days. I was leaving to go out of town the next day, so decided to wait it out until my return to see if there were any changes. Well, nothing changed and when I landed back in BR on Friday afternoon, I immediately called to schedule an appointment for Monday.

On Monday, July 16, I went in for a mammogram and ultrasound. I had received a “baseline” mammogram at 36 and was not scheduled to start my annual mammograms until this year (my annual appointment was in August). It is important to note that I have NONE of the predefining conditions for breast cancer: no family history, children before age 28, nursed, not overweight). I went in for the ultrasound and it was quite clear that things were serious a few minutes in. The ultrasound technician got very quiet and started taking a lot of pictures. She left the room to call in the Radiologist and I knew where it was headed. Can’t tell you the fear and sadness that hit me at that moment. The radiologist came in and showed me what they found. He said that they were sending me next door to my OB/GYN who would schedule an appointment with a surgeon. Talk about dazed and confused! I called David while waiting and he rushed over to meet me. I went next door and they scheduled an appointment for me on Thursday (3 days later).

This is where the Grace starts happening. A bit of background: My mother, Joyce, works for a ministry in Baton Rouge called Cypress Springs Mercedarian Prayer Center. The Center was founded by a Mercedarian nun named Sister Dulce Maria. She has been given the Gift of healing and sight from God (whom she calls Papa). Hundreds and hundreds of people come each year to meet with her and have her counsel with them as they face major life events. The ministry continues to grow day by day and Sister has helped people from all over the world. My mother runs the front office and is one of Sister Dulce’s trusted inner circle.

I called my mom to let her know what was going on and she said she would ask Sister Dulce if she could see me sometime during the week. I was almost home when I got a call back that Sister wanted to see me that afternoon. I did a quick UTurn and headed to the Center. David and I went in to see Sister Dulce. She sat us both down in front of her and asked me to show her where the mass was. She touched it and closed her eyes. Her first words were “Oh my, it’s quite hard. That’s not good.” After a few more moments, she said, “There’s the burn.” When she feels cancer in someone, it feels like a burning sensation through her fingertips. She then asked Papa a few questions and said, “I understand.”

She said that it was indeed cancer, but that she thinks I caught it early and it was still localized. She said, “Do not, under any circumstances, let them talk you into a biopsy. You want this mass out of you as soon as possible. It is very aggressive. You will have two surgeries, one to remove the mass, and the other to remove more tissue. Then, you will be clear.” She wanted to see the type of cancer before we talked further, and wanted to see me frequently over the next several months to make sure they removed all of the cancer and that it did not re-occur. She said that I would see her during the surgery and she would be with me, “but don’t talk to me.” She said some more encouraging words and sent us on our way with a, “God bless you.”

At this point, you can imagine that I was a bit out of sort. It was a lot to take in. David and I headed home. Later that evening, I received a call that my doctor could see me on Tuesday (instead of Thursday). “Absolutely!! The sooner the better.” I took this as a very positive sign that, 1. God was looking out for me or 2. Things were a lot worse than they thought and they needed to get me in. Probably a bit of both. J

David and I met at the Dr. Christian’s office at 12:30 on Tuesday. The Dr. was very matter of fact, did an exam and let me know that the options: biopsy or lumpectomy (where they remove the mass and some of the surrounding tissue.) David and I had already decided that we wanted this thing OUT and the doctor had no objections. She sent us down to surgery scheduling. After a long wait (while peeking at the radiologist’s report that stated that the mass was “very worrisome”), the nurse came in. She said, “How about tomorrow morning at 7 am?” Again, Grace at work. Absolutely…we want this over with!

So, 5:00 am on Wednesday, July 18, we head out for surgery at Woman’s Hospital. I got all setup and injected with my “morning margarita” (as my sweet nurse Lauren called the shot). I was visited by my mother-in-law, Artie, my dad, my mom, my sister Denise and my wonderful friends Kimberly, Leo and my godson Ian. Talk about a sendoff! Everything went well and I was sent home to wait for the pathology results.

Thus began the looooooong wait for the results. It is a special sort of hell waiting to know if you have cancer or not. I knew in my gut that I had it, and Sister Dulce had confirmed it, but, you always hold out hope that you are wrong. During the wait, you go through all the possible scenarios, research every type of cancer and prognosis. Not good stuff. Probably good then, that we decided to paint our house that weekend and had to move out. David says I planned this on purpose so I wouldn’t have to lift anything. ;) Anyway, our great friends Frank and Candice were going on vacation and were kind enough to let us use their house for the week while we painted. No sense changing plans…

Fast forward 5 days to today, Monday, July 23, 2012: Dr. Christian calls and confirms that the tumor was cancerous. “2.8 cm, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC).” She couldn’t tell me anything else until we did an MRI, blood work and another surgery to see if it has metastasized.  I have an appointment to meet with Dr. Christian on Wednesday to go over the next steps.

When I called my mom to tell her, she happened to be with Sister Dulce and she asked to talk to me. She said “They got all of the tumor and it has not spread. It is still localized. If you had gotten a biopsy, it would have spread throughout your entire body, as it was very aggressive.” She said I would be OK, but needed to be vigilant to make sure it doesn’t reappear. She did not rule out a mastectomy, but told me that I would beat this. This was very comforting to hear.

So…that’s where we are now. We have a lot of research and decisions to make in the coming days and weeks, but I have an amazing partner who has been by my side the whole time and has been an amazing, if tough, caregiver. We’ve told the girls and we are going to fight this as a family.

I can honestly say that I have felt the prayers that have come my way. I have experienced moments over the past week that have brought me to my knees, but I have also felt a complete sense of peace and acceptance that I can only attribute to God. I have never been an overtly religious person, but I have always had faith. I never thought I would feel Grace so tangibly as I have through this process.

We have a long road ahead, but are equipped with great family, friends, community and, most of all, FAITH, that a higher power will get us through this.

Thanks again to all of you who have called, emailed, texted, etc. I’ll try and send messages periodically to let you know how things are going. If you have questions, please let David or me know…we’re happy to hear from you.

Sorry for the novel of an email. Just wanted to get this down while everything was fresh.

Love to you all!!!

Angie